Yes people my blog has turned into the Bi-Weekly love chronicles wth! lolol... and with that announced I will continue my journal entries about my personal journey in finding it... and stuff.
Today's song is special for a couple reasons... number one being that my Big Brothers megasuperamazing producers Papa Justifi and Oak produced the crap out of this song... but also because it really touched me. It's been on repeat since i bought it... made me think about my feelings...
I did a show tonight and I wanted to give a handout- so I made a mixtape (soon to be available on AleshaStarr.bandcamp.com) but as I was carefully choosing and picking- I realized that a lot of my songs are sad... well the older ones anyway... and it kind of made me sad that I was in such a dark place...
I'm hoping to write some beautifully inspired love songs soon... hoping that he will save me. love me...? So many unqualified significant others out there... where is he?
Quote comes to mind from Sex & the City courtesy of Charlotte
"I've been dating since I was 15. WHERE IS HE?!?!"
LOL... but so not funny... where? save me mister... from all my sad songs... from that cold hearted mean girl who writes them. warm me up. save me.
It's not your fault... I'm a b*, I'm a monster. Yes, I'm a beast and I feast when I conquer. But I'm alone on my throne- all these riches... I came this way... all this way... just to say
This time won't you save me? This time won't you save me? Baby i can feel myself givin' up... This time won't you save me? This time won't you save me? Baby I can feel myself givin' up...
Givin up...
- "Save me" Nicki Minaj
#pinkFridayhoe
cop the album... it's hot- annnnd by the way she SINGS this song :)
It's a cold world out here y'all, but I betcha love would make it better...
Recently I have found myself having various conversations with my friends- girls and guys- about love. About what is is, finding it, what it's good for (nothing?)... how much we HATE it LOL...
People have so many view points on love and loving relationships. Being an artist... it's really hard because your schedule is so crazy. Early mornings, late nights, late mornings, early nights. 15 hour days. No sleep. Solitude so that you can think and be creative. Sometimes moody. Sometimes anti- social. Artists (myself included) are just crazy. We live crazy lives, sometimes it's really fun and sometimes it's really lonely.
But it's not just us (artists)... there are a lot of lonely people out there... who fight the lonliness... who try to be/choose to be ice cold- but know deep down the Love Below is talkin' to ya. I can't speak for everyone, but I'll speak for me. A personal story- that I know I share with others...
I've spent the last few years chasing my dreams of stardom... grinding. One thing that I've realized is that in order to stay focused you have to be a little bit hard (like Rihanna said LOL) so you don't get distracted. Gotta have extreme DISCIPLINE. No money, no fun, no chillin', no sleep- kind of discipline- but after a while the discipline becomes the norm and it's not as easy to get distracted as it once was. You line up your priorities and you #gooooooooooo but when you come home at night from those long nights and you're all alone- yo... that ish is wack. People pretend like those days don't exist. Or those days don't bother them- but those same people find themselves drinking away the love below... smoking it away... shutting it up temporarily with random jump offs- or DIVING BACK INTO WORK none of which are ever even a close second to the warmth you get when you have another person in your life. You find yourself being a miserable wretch.
I had a conversation with another artist friend of mine, and we have been trying so hard to chill- not to get involved, not care about anyone... not to have emotions... fighting every the complete opposite of EVERYTHING that makes us women, and gives us stories to write about... and finally we concluded that we are exhausted. It's terribly exhausting and inhumane to deny yourself love. Not to mention it make you a B*%$# So we made a pact to follow our hearts. To stop pretending to be robots. To live and love freely. To stay focused but allow the love below to flourish, because it only makes our songs that much better... and it feels good. I'm not gonna turn my back on love anymore... I'm gonna face it.
Love isn't a distraction. It's balance. Embrace it. When you find someone to share your stories with at the end of the day... Enjoy it.
Song of the day... TWICE by Little Dragon.
Twice I turned my back on you...
I fell flat on my face but did not lose.
Tell me where would I go?
Tell me what led you on I'd love to know.
Was it the blue night? Gone fragile...
Was it both men... in a wonder steady going under?
Was it the light rays, so frightening?
Was it two wills... and one mirror holding us dearer now.
Thought I had an answer once
But your random way swept me along
Colossal signs so I got lost...
with so many lovers singing songs.
Was it the blue night... gone fragile
Was it both men, in wonder steady going under.
Was it the light rays so frightning
Was it two wills... one mirror holding us dearer now.
I have been on such a LOVE kick lately! geez... I'm feeling real emo and stuffbut it is winter... #bootime right? So just indulge me :)
Even though I'm not in love at the moment... I've been lucky enough to have found true love at leastTHREE times in the past (sue me I'marecoveringundercoveroverlover) --- But anyway, there's no better feeling than when you just feel so happy and safe and soo in love. When you know that the person that you are with is a blessing to your life, and that no matter what happens they accept you and appreciate you for who you are. *sigh*
This goes out to y'all... all the happy couples out there...living and loving...
Especially those that I have been blessed enough to know...
My favorite couples
My Parents: George and Avery Anderson... Married Sept 25, 1971 (39 years and countingggg)
Mr. & Mrs. Michael Anderson... Married May 15, 2000
Mr. & Mrs. Dennis De Groot... Married Oct. 10, 2010 (happy one month anniversary)
*from whose wedding thank you CD I was introduced to this wonderful song*
Mr. & Mrs. William Dunbar... Married Sept, 25 2010
Mr. & Mrs. Roland Butler... Married May 13, 2010
Soon to be Mr. & Mrs. Oscar Guarerro and Soon to be Mr. & Mrs. Adam Tillman-Young
Cheers... I love you.
You wouldn't walk away if my stories they weren't true... I love you
It's only make believe it's something that I do... I love you
Baby there's no lies, i wouldnt make you cry... I love you
You're charming in my thoughts with the magic that you brough... I love... you
- The Bees
So there's something that happens when we really really like someone... we turn stupid and insecure... smh. But those feelings make REALLY great songs. I must say that I've never been a man (LOL) and i've never felt these EXACT feelings, but music has a way of letting you connect with the stuff that you do feel... and lately I've been feeling this joint.
Don't Judge Me :)
This here is on some truthful s#
It seems like everything I do you're used to it.
And I hate hearing stories bout who you've been with,
That's when I gotta hide, what I'm feeling inside...
So you still think I'm confident and damn...
Is this gonna last, you're up on a pedestal
Are we moving too fast?
Feel like I'm in crazy competition with the past.
That's why I gotta ask...
Is anything I'm doing brand new
Brand New, Brand New
Is anything I'm doing brand new
Brand New, Brand New Oh...
This here is something personal
- "Brand New" Drake
If you are in the NYC area tomorrow come check out my show :)
SUGAR BAR
254 W. 72nd Street
NY NY 10023
Tickets are $10
This is one of my favorite Drake verses... although when I rap along I change the words as follows to make it my own :)
My name is Lesha, and I ain't perfect.
But I work hard, so deserve it.
And I belong right where you see me...
I ain't on the fence about it-
I ain't Mr. Feeny
Nah, I got a decent set of manners,
and a job that fills up any empty schedule or planner.
And I hang out with girls, caught up with superficial glamour-
We dress like Sarah Jessica,
and live like princess Diana.
Some of us have addictions, and Drake said that he'll feed it.
But truly we're bad enough, that we don't even really need it.
We can show up at the party on dirty public transit
and i garauntee that the cameraman will still be snappin' candids
of me and my posse partying
drinking what they get handed
with our virgin island tans
all looing like we just landed
You wont understand it.
But I hope that you can comprehend it-
cuz we;re sure having fun with whoever's money we spending...
This was playing in my head when I woke up... That is all.
He said...
Turn your lights down low, and pull your window curtain.
Oh and let Jah moon come shining in... into our lives again.
Saying oooh, it's been a long long time- i got this message for you girl.
But it seems i was never on time... did I wanna get through to you girl?
On time, On time.
I want to give you some love.
I want to give you some good good lovin.
Oh I, Oh I, Oh I...
I want to give you some good good lovin...
(Bob Marley)
She said...
Loving you is like a song i replay, every three minutes and thirty seconds of every day. And every chorus was written for us to recite. Every beautiful melody of devotion every night. It's potion like this ocean might carry me. In a wave of emotion and ask you to marry me.
Every word every second and every third- expresses the happiness more clearly than ever heard. And when I play them every chord is a poem. Telling the Lord how grateful I am cuz I know him. The harmonies posess a sensation, similar to your caress. If you asking- then I'm telling you it's yes.
Stand in love, take my hand and Jah Bless.
(Lauryn Hill)
"Turn your lights down low" remix
Lauryn Hill/Bob Marley
